Friendships through saying goodbye to the things that isolate. And learning from my children.

Today I'm writing mostly for me. I will probably even pin it to a secret Pinterest board labelled "survival" or "remember" for when I need it later in the year. Or maybe I will need it sooner. Who knows!?

This afternoon while picking up my tribe (and my niece) from school, I had many chats with other mums. This made me more than happy. I know the focus is usually on kids making friends at school, but hey, making friends with the other parents can be tough too. Or is that just me?! Anyway, many people seemed happy to see me and I was able to chat (which I tend to love,) so I was in a great mood. One mum asked how everything was starting for me, and I told her that I felt a little tired already, and that I was worried that the after school activities would practically kill me! Especially in the next fortnight ahead while Craig will be on afternoon shift.

It stopped me for a moment as I got into the car, wondering how am I going to do this year. And what's more, do it well.

I then became distracted with directions and snacks and Daisy. As the kids wandered outside once home, with ice blocks in hands, Jack stayed behind to chat about the story of becoming Vice House Captain today. He was thrilled! He had wanted to be a House Captain for a long time, so this was definitely one of those moments when I see a child achieve a goal. I was incredibly happy for him as he began to tell the story.

At the end of his story I asked him some questions and one thing I asked was how many people gave speeches. He looked at me and told me that only he and his friend, who was chosen as Captain, gave speeches. He spoke about how happy he was for his friend, and that they would just make the BEST team ever. And I listened.

I am very used to the lack of competitiveness in my children. It challenges me all the time. They rarely compare themselves to others and I have never been able to implement any kind of 'encouragement system' using competition for getting things done, because it just does not work.

In the holidays, while trying to keep them occupied while we renovated,  I attempted to run a Lego building competition. They were each given a board and asked to build the highest tower they could, from any of the pieces of Lego they liked. I even offered a prize! After 20 minutes, the 4 children had formed two teams. And within about an hour they had formed a group, connected the two towers, and decided on jobs for each member of the team. They had even worked out a way to include Daisy, who had woken up and was not happy to be left out. Yes, so far none of them have a competitive bone in their body.

I need to learn from them and remember.

While struggling, I look around and criticise myself for not doing as well as others. My go-to is "why can't I when they can!" My too-honest sister retorts: "um, maybe the extra kids." But in the moment I don't see it, and I definitely don't see that although not perfect, my goals are actually still achieved. I feel not-enough, which is isolating. Right now, as a rational person, because all is well, this sounds just plain silly, but I know I could be right back there again too soon.

Over the past six months, while I have been writing this blog, I have been trying hard to remedy this situation. I have been challenging myself to remember that everyone is different, with different strengths, challenges and faults. Although I may be struggling in one area, I might be fine in other areas. I have been trying my best to live out what I say and believe about the wonderful differences in people and the waste of time comparison is.

What I haven't realised until now is that in doing this, in being honest, acknowledging the importance of difference, and trying to stop comparison, I have connected with many more people than I would have otherwise. I realised something very important:

Stopping comparison and competition leads to connection.

This is because when comparison and competition make an exit, suddenly the walls of not-enough or perceived-they-are-better-than-me or we-are-not-the-same-so-we-can't-be-friends, all fall down.

And this is what everyone really wants anyway, because through connection the importance of our individuality is actually revealed and celebrated. We fill in other peoples' gaps. We help them in areas they just can't deal with, and they help us with ours. We find that we don't need to be all and everything and perfect in every situation, instead realising that others will be there to not only provide support and help, but help us to feel better when we are the imperfect humans which we will never get away from. Others sometimes remind us of the grace we are usually much more willing to dish out to others, before accepting it ourselves. Using our differences to help others, in turn shines a light on our strengths, while helping others in their struggles. The wonderful beauty of this is, is that as we are all different, we all end up with ways to shine.

Connecting leads to a better outcome for all, building not only relationships, but also individuals in the process. We stop wondering why we can't do for ourselves, and start thinking about we can do for someone else.

Just like deciding to build a joined awesome Lego tower together, rather than battling on alone. Or perhaps simply being excited that a friend became Captain, even when it meant coming second, claiming it was the team that mattered.

If I have said it once, I've said it a million times: I have learnt more from my children than they will ever learn from me. Parenting is just as big a learning experience for me as for them. And I never want to forget that.

Today I realised that getting there is getting there, even if I'm last. Even if I'm not dressed perfectly with my mental health completely in tact in the end. Even if dinner is really breakfast and the washing resembles a mountain. Because I have wonderful friends that I can share my failures and successes with, who will basically not care about my imperfection, but will rather remind me of my triumphs and tell me to stop and give myself a break. They will be honest and share their challenges, while helping me find solutions to mine.

And the beautiful thing is that I will be able to do the same for them.

Jen.x

When grumpy mummy left. And lovely moments to finish their holiday.

Today I went back to work, but my precious ones didn't go back to school. I went to work. All by myself.

Like by my self, sitting in a car, with no one talking, by myself.

And it gets better. Soooo much better.

People who are grown ups talked to me! And smiled. And listened. And some even said nice things about me. I was able to sit still and listen for more than an hour. Yes, I sat for a whole hour! I became involved in discussions about important things, not once splitting my focus on two things at one time. I was inspired. People told me about their holidays, and the lovely learning support team I am part of talked about our hopes and dreams for the year ahead. We started to make plans! I was even happy to help move furniture into new classrooms. Beautiful new classrooms I may even get to visit weekly: so very exciting!

And at no point did I have to prepare food for anyone or touch a cleaning product. Not. One. Time.

It was such a lovely day, and I am sitting here smiling about returning tomorrow.

But one of the greatest things about today had nothing to do with my time at school, even though I loved it. I have written before about the missing, the clarity and the return; but today was different.

Today grumpy mummy left.

You see today wasn't just a regular day at work/school. It was the first day of feeling me, and just me for a very long time. At home, the edges are fuzzy. I blur into them and home and the all of caring for the all of them. It can be completely consuming. Even with hastily volunteered-for trips alone to the shops. It is still all about them.

But work has nothing to do with them. It is all me. It was the me before they came to bless my life and make it amazing, and it will be there after they leave to create families of their own. Teaching is more than what I do. It's who I am. It's who I will always be. I know that as much as I know anything.

To be reminded of all I am as a teacher is an amazing blessing, especially considering the unpaid cook and cleaner I felt I was yesterday, It's wonderful because it not only reminds me of what I am to the students in my care, but also reminds me of what I am to my very own children.

Today four students who previously attended our school stood before the teachers and spoke to the influence the teachers have had. It was honest, presented plainly and could not help but result in touching the hearts of all who heard. In hearing though, I couldn't help but think of their parents, and their influence. In that moment I was reminded of just who I am and how much my cooking and cleaning and the all of everything I do, will influence my own children.

In the everyday, it is easy to forget mums are pretty awesome. Mums do just about everything. All I give and am to my children will impact their lives forever.

I am important.

Not only as a teacher, but also as a mum. I am important as a mum in every word I speak, every look I give, every moment I share, every decision I make, every hug I give, every boundary I create, every time I choose them and let my selfishness go.

Yes, today grumpy mummy left, not just because I was able to be me for a while, but because in doing so I realised what I do in the every day mundane moments is important.

The 'had enough' feeling of yesterday disappeared into the realisation that my limits of enough are much higher, when considering the long term cost and benefit of my patience and endurance.

And so tonight as I dealt with the same situations as last night, I chose to call on patience and love and kindness. I decided to let the anger over the insignificant float away.

Love. Patience. Endurance. Hope. Kindness. Gratitude.

My actions can teach more than anything else in the world to my children.

Parents are important.

Jen.x

Three things many parents and children want from teachers on the first day of school.

It's not long now until the first day of school. Energy is is super high around here, as with Henry starting kinder there will be five of us (including me) starting back.

As a teacher I can't wait to see the all the students again! They will tell me all about their holidays, and I will be stunned as usual, by just how much they have all grown. There is a newness and certain fun that exists in starting fresh. The beginning, including plans and organising, I absolutely love. My children can hardly wait to find out if their friends are in their classes, and who their teachers will be. Lucy came to me in tears a few days ago, wanting so much to be back. Yes, in my home, we are mostly very excited at the prospect of school going back.

But.

But I am a parent too. I've been here before. And the start of the school year is sometimes not all it's cracked up to be. I know that I have to say goodbye to my children in a couple of days time, knowing I will have absolutely no control over what happens next. It can be wonderful! But it can sometimes be less than.

As a parent, I have discovered that the difference between a wonderful/not-so-wonderful start to the year is a great deal more simple than I thought. Teacher-me is all about organising, making sure everything is perfectly ready, looking beautiful and is exciting. I want the first day they see me to be memorable and impressive! I want the kids to want to come back the following day. We are taught that what happens first matters.

And it does. Just not in the way I thought before I had children at school.

I now know that what makes the most difference on the first day has nothing to do with awesome and exciting learning experiences and the most beautiful, well organised classroom there is. As much as I think making learning fun, investigative, exciting, different, engaging, and generally encouraging students to want to learn and love learning is important. I don't believe any of these things is the most important.

That is because relationship is. A relationship based on listening to, and hearing students and above all knowing who each child really is, is the most important.

So what does this mean for the first day of school? How do teachers ensure that they start the way they mean to go on, really getting to know each and every student, even the quiet, rarely noticed ones? How can teachers make absolute sure that the year starts well for every student in their care, especially with the rush and excitement and fitting-everything-in-ness of the first day? That first day is a super fast one!

I've come up with three important things that every teacher can do on the first day, to make a difference to the beginning of the school year, for every child. Do these things, and you are best placed to begin the teacher-student relationship in a positive way. And what's more, students will go home telling their parents that they not only like their teacher, but their teacher likes them. Most teachers would do each of these things without thinking, but it is critical that not one child is missed, because they will absolutely know they have been missed, even if the teacher is unaware.


With busyness, nerves and the excitement that comes with the fresh start of the year, it is easy for the relationships to get lost in the doing-of-it-all. Teachers need to find a way to:

1) Look into each child's eyes. Not just generally at them, or at them as part of a sweep of the classroom. A look that invites a smile from both the child and teacher. It needs to be both special and shared.

2) Say each child's name at least once. No, not just in roll call or to correct behaviour or ask them to come to the floor or line up. Perhaps in responding to a question the child asks or asking for a contribution to class discussion.

3) Talk with each child at some point. There is something super special in this. It doesn't include directives or talking to the child. It is more about taking a brief moment to listen and really hear the student. It can be incredibly hard to find time, but is great to aim for because it will be the one moment the student is likely to hold on to.

That's it. Just three small things and students will clearly observe that they are important members of the class, who will be heard and acknowledged. The message that each student will carry home to parents is that school is awesome, because everyone wants to feel like they matter, and that lost-in-the-crowd feeling is all too easy to find in a class of 30 students.

Every student wants to feel special. And every parent wants their child to be truly known for who they are and cared for. The learning part, that is what school is all about, will flow naturally from really knowing students, beginning with these simple steps. How can it not? Knowing who each student is, how they learn and what they love, can see little other future but to care, cater for, help, teach, encourage, and generally want and know what is best for all within the class.

It may seem too simple. But this is just about the start. A jumping off point, from which to work from.

All a student needs to know when leaving school on that first day is they are not only a valued member of a class, but an individual who is seen and heard by the one leading it.

Learning will follow.

Jen.x

DIY Laundry renovation in 8 days for under $600. The details and photos.

This is the second post about our mudroom and laundry renovation. The first was a brief look at the before and after photos. This post will fill in all the details, mostly in photos, for those interested in how we did it. 

One thing you should know before I start is that it was hard work. VERY hard work. Because we had to fit it around having our gorgeous 5 kids in the house at the time, and it wasn't the only project we were working on either. The side ramp was a 1/3 built over this period and Craig took down two sizeable palms as well as a retaining wall.

These are a few of the before photos (once most of the easy-to-move items were out of the way.)

The floor was previously tiled (poorly!) I removed these tiles a long time ago over two full days. The mud room was converted from a walkway with two exterior exits (one never used) to a room with one external exit and a window on the opposite wall. Craig and I rendered the walls which were red brick and fitted the room with skirtings and trim. It was painted all white in 2014. 

Step 1: Preparation, sanding, filling, sanding, cleaning everything.

First thing was to get rid of was glue around the windows, as the room had previously been used as a dark room.

My first job with the floors was to use a paint scraper to remove all of the tile glue residue. It took a full day and a half to do this. After I felt it was ready, I used a putty 2 part epoxy for holes and uneven sections of the concrete floors (and walls.) Basically I just broke a piece of the clay-like two-colour substance off, worked in my hands like clay for 1 minute, then had a couple of minutes to apply it before it set. I only did a little section at a time, and my hands hurt afterwards (and were a mess!) A couple of hours later I was able to sand these sections alongside other sections of the walls of floors that needed a once over. The floor was a very messy and time consuming job. Two full days in all. Looking at it now, all the preparation was worth it. The floor is lovely underfoot.

The laundry tub was removed late one night.

Holes in the walls were filled and sanded. 

Finally, everything was cleaned with sugar soap. Everything. Then allowed to dry. The restoration of the four old vents was a shocker. Sanding, cleaning and painting them was a big job.

Step 2: Undercoat!

I feel like we always have a tin of undercoat/primer/sealer at the ready! It felt good to be finally finished the pulling apart, making-it-worse phase.

While doing the undercoat, I went to Bunnings to decide on a floor colour. I actually sat on the floor and looked and chatted with Craig, and then came home with a colour that was too light. Craig was going back to Bunnings the following day, so they managed to darken the colour. We were very happy with the final colour.

 There were many very late nights, fuelled by caffeine and sugar. And the study resembled an episode of Hoarders.

We became a tad delirious!

Step 3: Ceiling and skirtings.

Craig took care of the ceiling and I painted the skirtings. It's funny looking back, that we do work so amazingly well as a team. I think one of the benefits of having 5 kids is that we feel permanently like members of a team sport where the team walks in for a conference and yells "break!" at the end of it. Only our conferences are usually in hiding from our children, in the kitchen or our bedroom. As a result we can make decisions very quickly and get started right away, because it is how we survive everyday life!

Step 4: Tiling around the bottom of the laundry walls.

Welcome to our 'tile storage.' As it turns out we have tiles in three other locations also. That will be remedied soon. We were happy to discover that we had a good amount of tiles in the style and colour we wanted for around the bottom of the laundry walls.

I haven't tiled much before, but last time it was a disaster, so when Craig was out picking up the retained floor paint I had him purchase a better tile cutter for me. It still wasn't expensive, but worked a lot better than the other style we had. I decided to use a premixed adhesive. The tiny tile piece below was my first cut.

I made sure the top of the tiles was level, even though the floor was anything but level. It required some creative tiles spacers between the floor and tiles. Below is the last tile. My goodness I look terrible! Happy and exhausted!!

It was then left until it was ready to grout. I did the grouting for the toilet area with the grout on the right, below. It was old grout we found downstairs and was lumpy. It was very difficult and I tried to smooth the lumps out with my hands! Hours later I impatiently made some new grout up, this time sifting the dry grout first, before adding water. Bingo! Perfect consistency. And it cost us nothing.

Step 5: Painting the walls.

We bought the 10L tin of special paint a long time ago, back when we painted the mudroom originally. I was going to paint the laundry white too. But I changed my mind. Craig didn't really care either way, but I decided it needed a warmer colour. Back to Bunnings. Unfortunately they wouldn't put tint into the tin for us because we had used some. They would however sell us the tint needed (Berkshire white) for a full tin, placed in a jar. The colour ended up a little richer and was a pain to mix, but we like the end result. I ended up putting paint into the jar and mixed it, then returned it to the tin.

Step 6: the floor.

I painted the undercoat on very quickly. It was done while I waited for the rest of the family to get organised and get into the car for swimming. The paint took a long time though, mostly because I wanted that perfect line around the edge where the wall tiles met the floor.

Step 7: Plumbing.

This took a bit of figuring out, and a chat with the guys at Bunnings. The tub is now in perfect working order, but the taps are not. We have put the old taps back on and have a hose extension lead for the washing machine. The 'seating' of the tap need to be changed for the new taps/washers.

Step 8: Tiling again!

I forgot that I would have to tile a backsplash! I grabbed some tiles from the tile storage and of course loved the most difficult one to tile.

I decided on tiles down the side to hide the imperfect edges of the horizontal tiles.

Above is a picture from before I added grout. Below the excess tile adhesive can be seen. I used a different kind for this job due to the glass tiles. The other adhesive is grey/black. This one is cream. It is more time sensitive however. It is applied, then left for 30mins, then there is an hour until it is set. Talk about pressure! In this time I also had to cut the tiles around the taps because it could only be done after the first 'sheet' of tiles was applied. The excess tile adhesive was cleaned off with turps, and I touched up the paint the following day.

It was late when I applied the grout and I forgot that some of the tiles in the mosaic were stone, so didn't wet the tiles first. I will be scratching grout off them for some time to come.

Step 9: Installing the Ikea cupboard.

We chose a red Ikea kitchen cupboard for the laundry wall and are not sorry! It looks great. A laundry is usually a mundane place full of work. This adds a bit of fun. It is a 70cm (h) x 40cm (w) wall cupboard, and cost only $45.

Step 10: Put everything back and connect it all!

The fun part: getting to use the room we had just worked so hard on. We were disappointed that the taps didn't work properly, but once we found a solution (thanks to a lovely plumber friend!) we were happy. Below is a picture of our first load of washing, done shortly after putting everything in the room.

Craig putting the shower curtain up after midnight.

The after:

There are many more after photos in the previous post, but here are a few.

And the all important mud room. It is overloaded with disorganised items at the moment, but will be ready to go before school begins.

The purchases:

Epoxy $16.00 x 2

Tint for wall paint $5.90

Wire brush $4.50

Tile cutter $29.90

Wall cupboard $45.00

Laundry tub $221.00

Tile adhesive $37.20

Floor undercoat $40.70

Floor paint $58.50

Universal conversion taps $99.00


Items we already had:

Undercoat

Wall paint

Ceiling paint

White tiles

Mosaic tiles

Grout

Easy (cream coloured) tile adhesive

Ikea shower curtain (white)

Tools and other items such as sandpaper and sponges

Jen.x