The special gift that could change everything between my child and I. $10 and 10 minutes.

Most people want to feel connected.

People want to feel valued, loved and important. But most of all I think people want to be heard and accepted.

I was reminded of this yesterday afternoon. Our family arrived at the after-the-final-school-day get together in a park nearby the school. A considerate parent had invited the entire school so that no one would feel left out. The only problem was that when we arrived I recognised no one. I was surprised how quickly I felt insecure when faced with groups of parents I didn't know sitting around. I was relieved when someone I knew arrived, and it brought to mind just how important connections with others are.

Children are no different. They seek connection too.

As an adult I have a great deal of choice about who I decide to spend time with. I surround myself with friends. I can decide to leave at any time, anywhere. I don't have to be where I don't want to be, with people I don't want to be around. My children however don't really have this choice.

Children for the most part have many decisions about who they interact with on a daily basis dictated by parents and teachers. Yes, children can choose who they play with in the playground. That is if those children agree. But apart from that, children sit next to who they are told to and work with groups of children they are asked to, while at school. At home they play with siblings in a family that they are part of through no choice of their own. Children often need to ask permission to spend time with others they choose to, and this relies heavily on parent time available, and negotiation of all family members needs and wants.

With all of this in mind it is really easy to see why a child's connection to their parents and family is so important. Children are still new to understanding how relationships work, why some people like them and others don't, why some people choose to be mean, the what-is and whys of popularity, and how to recognise genuine friendship. Connection with parents is crucial to help a child navigate the process of working this all out, while feeling loved and supported through it all.

And as a parent I want to help them. I want to think I am always available to be there, waiting and listening. I want to be their soft place to fall. I want to.

But often I'm just not.

I get busy. I am already talking to another child. I am working on something for work. I am comforting another child. I am fixing dinner. Again. I am trying to spend a quiet moment with my husband. I am shopping for things our family needs. I am attempting to clean and organise. Never-endingly! I am filling out school notes. I am correcting another child. I am teaching another child. I am making appointments. I am trying to find a quiet moment to stay sane. I am busy.

And I am not always there.

I like to think I am always there to listen to my children. But the truth is I am not. I'm not.

So this year the most special gift I am giving my children is the ability to tell me everything, to ask me everything, even when I can't be with them.

I am giving the eldest four children a little notebook each. A very special notebook.

In this notebook they can write anything to Craig and/or I. And we will promise to read it and write back if they want us to. It will be a book containing an endless conversation. Questions. Crankiness. Sadness. Excitement. Happiness. And so much more. My hope is that it fills the gaps where I am not there, or not available to them to talk in the way that they need to in that moment.

Each notebook begins with a special letter on the first page from me, including some questions, encouraging them to write. It also explains that sometimes it may take parents a while to read and write and answer back, but it will come. So that the books do not get lost, each child is asked to keep the notebook in a special place and put it on our bed when they want us to look at it. These will be my favourite gifts to wrap this year.

Sometimes bravery gets lost when a moment passes due to waiting. Some things are easier to say when they are not said out loud, but rather written down. And sometimes parents miss important things, only to find out later in ways that create heartache. How often have you heard a parent say: "if only we had known?" Too many.

I don't want important things to get missed because my time is not infinitely available to all of my precious children. I want to be available always and forever, for whatever they need. Childhood is not the breeze society makes it out to be. In a world that sometimes seems too big and too hard for even the most grown up adult, children need to feel accepted and heard. They need someone to confide in, even when time makes this difficult.

So this Christmas, a notebook inviting endless conversation existing outside time is my gift to my children.

May they always feel heard, accepted, special, important and capable of hope.

And above all loved.

Jen.x