Technology is always awesome? How we set screen time rules for 5 different children.

It's a range of questions I'm asked quite often. How do we handle the big information technology boom that has been handed to us on a silver platter? Are we integrating it into every part of our lives? Are we holding off and saying no? Are we settling limits? If so, why and how?

It is a huge thing. And there is no shortage of information, research, and editorials on it out there trying to help us navigate this new world.

I myself have read a plethora of articles, research, and books on how to handle integrating computer-type technology into our lives, in a way that doesn't harm my children. The extremes on both ends of the scale trigger fear. I feel like they are meant to. I quickly try to push those fears aside, because fear is never the right motivator for me. Instead I come back to the same core belief I hold in all areas of parenting. We are all different. I was given these specific children on purpose. I ask myself some very important questions:

Who are my children and what do they need?
What will work best for them and our family as a whole?

The truth is that the answers will never be the same for all families or even all children. That's why the debate rages. We are all different. With unlimited access to technology some children can naturally find what works for them and set their own boundaries, maintaining interests beyond, in an easy way. Some become the next generation of amazing creators and inventors. Others become completely addicted in such a way that they lose interest in the rest of the world around them. And the thing is that noone can tell a parent what is right, because noone else knows their children quite like they do. There just isn't a best way.

But the articles invoking fear continue, and it's hard to be strong against them, especially in this busy, time poor world, where parents are overwhelmed with choice and the need to do everything 'right.' Our generation experiences parenting on almost complete public display. And everyone seems to have an opinion. We all do. I do. It has become harder to make definite decisions, because it seems as though we are presented a new 'right' every week. We struggle to keep up with the latest research on what could possibly be best for our children. And the range of topics is endless. We have to consider not only the growing-up-to-be-functioning-members-of-society, but now have to consider: the risk factors of obesity, over/under use of extracurricular activities, the variety of different ways there is now to educate, processed/whole/paleo/carb/no-sugar/food-additive-free/organic food options, childcare/work-full-time/work-part-time, and the use of technology, just to name a few. In the end it sometimes feels to me like it has become white noise in the background, and it would be easier just to turn it off. But I can't.

The drive to know more is just so strong. We were raised by generations who fought hard to give us the information and choice we now have. And it can be truly wonderful. Thank you. But. But with choice comes overwhelming responsibility, and information that is available has NO END. Sometimes it makes the days of meat-and-three-vegetables-for-dinner-and-a-vegemite-sandwich-for-lunch look appetising.

Which brings me back to the technology debate, that is not only out there in the big wide world, but also within me. I love the connection, the creation, the unlimitedness, the know-everything-ness, and the right-now, of the technology I have at my disposal. I love it. And I don't like it. I don't like that it takes away sitting and wondering at times, the indoorness, the potential brain altering of my children, the sedateness, and the anti sleep effects it can have. Yet it is here to stay, and I probably wouldn't want it any other way, because when it comes right down to it: I love having the whole world and my closest friends at my fingertips. I have to fight the white noise, consider carefully and make decisions based on my own children.

The experience of our family of seven

So having decided to integrate this technology into our lives, Craig and I had big decisions to make, much the same as most parents. How would we mould it's use into a workable format for our everyday lives? It has been a long process, sometimes with two steps forward, one step back, but at the moment it seems that we are happy with what is going on.

In my family, and perhaps others, how we respond to technology, is an amplified reflection of attitudes and personality in everyday life. For example, I am all about connection, talking, creating, reading, organising, and generally just love being with people, as opposed to spending time alone. I love finding out more, and would give anything to help someone else avoid the mistakes I have made. When I consider all of this, my computer history is an exact reflection. I write a blog, chat via Facebook, search the web, use Kindle for iPad, and love Pinterest! The interactions I observe with my children and iPads also reflect their everyday preferences and personalities.

So what does technology use really look like in my family?

For starters I use iProducts and my husband uses Android. This has never been a problem, and the kids use both, although tend to use iProducts more. I use an iPad, iPhone and a Mac. If I was to analyse what I use these for, most interactions would come under these headings: work, creating, connecting, photography, reading, and exploring. I would most use: Blogger, Kindle for iPad, Pinterest, Facebook, Word, Email (work and home), and Safari.

My five children are the perfect example of how given the same opportunity to use technology, the response can be very different.

My two middle girls have very little interest. I could easily have no boundaries and their use of iPads would not dramatically increase. They are so involved in play together or alone, drawing, writing, imaginative play, reading etc, that this makes iPad use quite low on the list of things they enjoy. If they do use an iPad, it would be to add to what they have chosen to do, rather than completely zoning out of the world around them. If they want time alone they generally choose reading, colouring-in/drawing, sewing, Lego, or playing with toys such as Barbies, Ponies, or puzzles.

The number one reason Isabel and Lucy use an iPad is for music to dance to. If they do choose to use an app, it would be one that involves creating something (especially Isabel.) They love Lego Friends Story Maker, CrazyCraft, My incredible body, and Music4kids. Lucy also likes apps where the letters are to be moved around to make words. She likes to manipulate words and language in general. Isabel finds this skill quite difficult. She instead loves me to put her weekly spelling words into Spellosaur. The weeks we do this on Monday, and she finishes the program before Friday, lead to the greatest success in her school spelling test. I am personally more concerned about the vast difference between her verbal and written spelling ability, which we have found out developed due to specific eye problems, but she loves to come home happy and confident on Friday after a good spelling test, so Spellosaur it is! Isabel also likes jigsaw apps and occasionally puzzles. When I asked them each what was their favourite, these were the responses:

Lucy: "dancing to music."
Isabel: "making (composing) music."

Henry and Jack are another story. They are six years apart, but both love using anything with a screen. They would watch grass grow on TV if it was the only option. Screen boundaries exist in our home because of them. As setting boundaries can be difficult to maintain and enforce, we have chosen to make screen use, and non-screen time, part of our predictable routine. Rules set for all children work well in our home, as does integrating technology use and rules into the rhythm of our days.

Henry uses the iPad for music, playing the Lego building games, using the Play School app, and playing logic type puzzle games, such as Disney's 'Water?' game. I prefer Henry to play his Leappad Ultra as it is much more safe, as far as only allowing the content Craig and I have chosen to upload. Henry is our master of everything and he can work anything out easily. He doesn't see boundaries to his capabilities. This is great when he learnt to ride a bike with no training wheels at 3 years old, and could tackle a playground easily before 2 years old, but has been challenging in many other instances. We had to buy a more expensive, heavy to open, baby gate because he quickly figured the other one out. He could open doors with round handles at 18 months, and figured out how to use a key to open the simple door locks before 2 years old. 'I can't' only exists in his vocabulary when cleaning is brought up. So it stands to reason that he is the one who has figured out how to do things with the iPad that I have no filter or lock for. I would still like to know how to lock him out of iTunes radio. Only Henry would be able to find a Minecraft parody channel that includes swearing.

Jack uses a variety of apps. His favourites are 'Clash of clans' (which he loves because he is in a clan with kids from school) and Minecraft. I plan to introduce him to a 'learn to code' app, as I think he will really love it.

We have a '9 year old' rule for owning iPods. We made this rule purely due to this being an age when children tend to become more responsible. It is an age where children have now moved into primary school and much more is expected of them, especially as this is when class sizes become larger. In Year Three, children seem to grow up a great deal and as iPods are expensive, the expectation around here is that the child has to look after it and accept any limits put on it's use. I also secretly love that right now Isabel is super excited because it is something she has been looking forward to for some time. This Christmas it is her turn. In this world of instant gratification, sometimes it's a gift to give children the chance to anticipate and become excited. Specific games of choice can only be added to iPods, not the communal iPads. Minecraft is one of these games. It is nice that the older kids have something special that is just for them. They all like the fairness of these rules. Any time a younger child complains, it is never me who has to remind them of the rule, it will always be another child.

Daisy is only 15 months old and is not interested in screens yet. She only likes TV if there is a documentary about animals on it. The kids will occasionally ask to watch a National Geographic documentary, which we use apple TV to bring it up on the big screen. She will watch a little then. iPads and iPhones are still a 'no' for her, to be entirely honest because the products are expensive and I don't want them broken. Craig has taught her to move the photos on his phone and Daisy does dance along to the music when the girls are playing it.

As I mentioned, we fit computer/tablet use into the rhythm of our day, rather than setting time allocations. This is partly because I have found great success in this method in the past, and partly because it would be difficult to monitor exact usage in any other way with four child users. All children are allowed access after they are completely ready to leave in the morning, on school days. They are also allowed access after showers and homework in the evening, before dinner. After dinner is for reading only. Henry is sometimes allowed to use an iPad or his Leappad Ultra after lunch, while Daisy is asleep. He also watches Play School and Fireman Sam of a morning. As a whole, the kids do not watch TV during the week, except on the days I work and Grandma looks after them. On the weekend they are allowed to use iPads/ipods/Leap products/3DS (7+ for 3DS ownership) during our relaxing mornings and after lunch while Daisy is sleeping. This seems to be working for us right now.

Reading all of the above some of you will think we are being to harsh, others may think we are not setting enough limits. And that's just it. Everyone is looking through the eyes of their own experiences, knowledge, and especially the children they are close to. This just doesn't work. Yes, we all need to speak to others, learn, look at research, experiment, and consider ideas, but in the end it all comes down to what is best for the children and family we have.

So when considering the use of technology in your household I do not have perfect, exact advice.

Instead I simply suggest you consider these questions:

Who are your children and what do they need?
What will work best for them and your family as a whole?

Let the rest fade away.

15 tips that might make parenting a little easier. But since we are all different, maybe 5 or 6.

As those of you who have been reading my blog posts for a while know, I think that the absolute hardest parts about parenting are the unseen things. The emotional bits that no one talks about much, because it's just so hard to put into words the trickiness.

The minefield of parenting can't be made easy. But it can perhaps be made at least a little easier than it might be right now. I've written the following as much a reminder for myself as to help all of you. As with anything, we are all different. I hope some of these tips help you, or even remind you of what you may already know. These aren't all the tips I have, but instead are 15 things I felt to write about right now.

I will count down, as I have had an amazing amount of experience in counting down. Every. Single. Day. "We are leaving in 10, 9, 8……"

Anyway. Here are 15 parenting tips that I've learnt along the way:

15) Let the kids help.

Agh! I hate this, so I'm getting it over and done with first. I want to do everything myself, because I am super awesome and do everything right. Except I'm not and I don't. But I think I can always do things better than my children, and maybe have a slight issue with wanting to be in control of something (anything really) so therefore I try to do everything. The problem with this is that one person is incapable of battling the mess of seven people, and sometimes their ideas are actually better than mine. Especially Jack's. There have been many times over the years that I have woken to being shown a new organisational system that Jack has put into place and already briefed the others on. The first time that I remember, happened before Lucy was born. He sat explaining to Isabel the new system for arranging pull-ups in a drawer. She was one.

Some mums have mastered this letting-kids-help business, and I wish I could say I have. I'm a work-in-progress. Yesterday we all cleaned the walls in the hall together. I have bought a new range of cleaning products that are non toxic, which have helped me to be okay with them helping out with the cleaning that they really want to do.

I was reminded of just how important it is, and how much they love helping out, the other day as my children built little greenhouses as teams. Isabel turned to Henry smiling and asked, "are you glad you got to help Henry?" With a huge smile he nodded. So, yes, I will continue to try to encourage my children to help out. And will try really hard to say yes when they want to do a job that I want to do *properly* myself.

14) When considering contribution to jobs around the house, find out what your child/ren are good at and like, and assign accordingly. 

Its funny that I want to do everything myself, but still want my kids to help out. At least, I want them to help out in areas that I want help in. If that makes any sense!? I used to be of the do-what-I-say-even-if-you-don't-like-it school of thought (and sometimes I still am), but to be honest, I'm exhausted most of the time and this method requires a great deal of energy to keep up. Constantly checking up on everyone, attempting to motivate, and being involved in a battle with someone almost all the time, is just too much with five kids. Letting everyone work to their strengths helps get everything done. Well, kind of done. The house still feels crazy-overwhelming much of the time, but there is more time for fun this way. And less of all-the-angry.

I know there are many parents who are able to motivate their kids to do anything, especially using rewards. Congrats if that's you! Jack does anything I ask well, without rewards. He is a naturally enthusiastic kid and loves helping out. The others are more of a challenge to get motivated and they DO NOT respond to rewards. Finding their strengths and favoured jobs has improved things on the helping out front, and has been achieved with the use of the happy book. Completely love it.

13) Start a happy book. 

It may sound like work, but I have found it to be so helpful with my own attitude towards my children. It helps to keep me in check and really pay attention to what is going on. It especially draws attention to children who have stopped being written about as much, a sure sign that something else is going on. 

12) Don't respond to every battle your children have with each other. When you do, use the word 'kind.'

Learning negotiation skills is important for children, and mediating every argument can be time sucking for you. Listen carefully and get to know where they are going wrong in negotiating and then work on that skill. Step in and help them to sort out the problem, rather than solving it for them. This may even mean saying "repeat after me: I didnt like it when you…." This doesn't happen every time around here, especially when we are out or have guests over (and a quick resolution is needed!) but it's the aim. 

At times it is absolutely necessary to step in and say "shoosh! Stop!" because it has gotten out of hand. I always lead in with "each person is going to have a say. If you interrupt, you will not get to have your turn." If one child has been mean, I try not to say "you have been mean" as it instantly invokes a defence response. Instead I ask "have you been kind?" This generally brings out the truth. It's easy for a child to try and prove that what they were doing/saying wasn't exactly mean, but a completely different thing to say it was kind. I then give the usual 'be kind to others' short lecture and always use this as my last line: if it's not kind, then it's not okay. Again, this is the aim. I'm still working at it.

11) Keep one area completely and utterly clean and clear. It helps with parental sanity.

Mine is my hall. I travel through it often, so knowing it is always clear (I'm constantly taking stuff out of it) helps me to breathe when all else seems out of control. The calm amongst the craziness. It's usually my starting place for cleaning too. It helps to have a starting place already decided when it all seems too much (like the big after-school-holidays-decontamination-clean.)

It can also be great for when you need a quick break. A clear space attracts children. The other day I found Lucy and Daisy were playing hot air balloons with pillowcases in the hall. At the time it was the only place left with lots of floor space!

10) Accept that sometimes grace is the only answer. For your child and for you.

One of my children had a really hard day a few days ago. I'm talking, a stamping the kitchen counters, stealing matches, lighting A FIRE, going into the front yard near the busy road, bad day. By the end of the day I was all out of suggestions with how to handle each new situation. So I just said nothing and gave him a hug. Because sometimes all we need is a hug when there are no more words. I am not perfect, and sometimes I will have a terrible day where I regret more than I smile when looking back. Kids do too. Here grace and a new fresh day, is the only answer. As it turns out, my husband informed me that the child in question was up for the day at about 5am, so he was not surprised at the day we had.

Trying to see the hidden awesomeness and applying grace, is so often the answer in my home. Not only for my children, but more often than not for me too.

9) Understand that consistency is not everything. 

When you are stuck in a pattern, but feel you are being consistent, consider that what you are doing could be wrong for your family. I've heard the 'they/I should just be more consistent' line too many times to count. I guess sometimes it must be true, but on the whole, not every idea or method is a good fit for everyone. We are all different! When I find myself at a place where I feel a bad pattern has emerged I say this line to myself out loud:

I can consistently do something that isn't right for us, and I will consistently get poor results.

It usually helps me to figure out what to do next, or at least give me the motivation to look at a circumstance through new eyes.

8) Never apologise to other people for the decisions you make about your children's welfare. Actually you don't need to say anything at all. 

This can be tricky, especially if your ideas aren't mainstream. You know your children best. Carefully consider all your options and make your own decisions. What works for one family or child is almost guaranteed not to work for another. Don't waste time wishing certain ideas would work with your children, instead use that time to investigate further based on what does.

A big thing I had to learn as a parent was that I didn't need to justify the decisions Craig and I had made, because I could choose to not talk about them at all when with people who were unsupportive. The good old smile-and-nod routine comes in handy here. The "that sounds like it works really well for your family," is also a great line to have at the ready, because it is completely true. There is no reason to add that it is not right for us, unless I am with close friends who would probably already know anyway.

7) Be okay with making unpopular rules. The buck stops with the parents.

Later on in life, the reality is that many of us will look back and judge ourselves on the decisions and rules we made or didn't make. When Craig and I make rules we deliberately think long term. We ask ourselves, and discuss, is the rule really necessary? Why? What could happen if we don't have this rule? What are the potential problems that could come about from having/not having this rule? We think about all this and then reach an agreed, firm, deliberate rule. Generally we are not flexible on these kind of 'big' rules. This works for us because we have so many children to consider. I imagine it would be very different if we had one child.

One unpopular rule we have is 'no sleepovers, except professional camps.' We thought long and hard about this one. Like all parents we don't want our kids to miss out on things, but we have five kids, and we are making rules that will last for all. Daisy is one and I don't know who her friends (or their parents and friends) will be when she is 3, let alone 13. Craig and I are aware of the statistics concerning child sexual assault. 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are victims of sexual assault before they are 15. More worrying is the fact that in most cases the perpetrator is a person who is not their caregiver, but is known to the child, and 94% of cases occur in a private dwelling. So in response to this information we created the no-sleepover rule based on safety reasons. So if there are sleep overs, our children attend until it's time for everyone to settle to sleep and then we pick them up. So far it hasn't been an issue, but I'm sure it is not the most popular rule we have. Some parents may even think we are overprotective or slightly crazy. It doesn't matter though, because they are not the parents of our children. Children and families are different and sometimes need different rules. One day, in the future, if my kids look back on their childhood, roll their eyes, and claim that the worst thing ever was that they couldn't go to a sleep over, I will smile. I know that there are many parents out their dealing with much worse childhood memories.

6) Change your mind if you want to. It's allowed.

Often it's hard to make decisions because we become afraid that we will be stuck with the decision. The truth is however, that changing your mind is allowed. I know that that sounds silly as I type it, but I know myself that although I would say 'absolutely' if asked if I can change my mind, the reality is, my actions often say otherwise. I have become stuck in patterns, until suddenly one day I have realised that I can change my mind and do things differently. It's rarely too late.

One big change-of-mind stands out for me. When Jack was 5 months old I woke up one morning, was watching something on TV, trying desperately to stay awake, and suddenly realised I could choose to parent the baby I was listening to cry (and not go to sleep) differently. I could choose to give up on our chosen method and find another. I could change my mind.

I often think about this when I feel stuck, with no way forward in one area. One definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

5) Be honest with your kids when you have made a not-so-great-decision. But be firm on your new decision.

Difficult but necessary. Parents make mistakes. I definitely make mistakes. Regularly. When I make a decision in a rushed moment, I sometimes change my mind after a little time to think. I find the best thing to do in this situation is to simply be honest and explain why I have changed my mind. The hardest bit is then sticking to the new decision if the kids are not to happy about it!

4) Teach your children about safety.

Many people think that if they talk to children about certain things, it will make them worry. There is the misguided belief that if we ignore potential problems and issues, that we can keep our children innocent. Only, kids do worry, and they know a great deal more than we give them credit for. Children notice EVERYTHING. While our days are filled with an overwhelming amount of never-ending tasks and people needing us, children often have time to ponder, and take notice. They can tell when their parents and teachers are worried or not well. And they then worry too, sometimes more because there is less understanding about the concern.

I'm not saying delve into the nitty-gritty of all that can go wrong and warn them. I'm saying speak to children in short simple sentences, in plain factual words, about safety concerns.

Really think about the largest potential dangers that face your children, such as: drowning, house fires, car accidents, pedestrian accidents, dog bites, burns and scalds, falls, bike/skateboard injuries, battery related injuries, poisoning, and abuse. If you are parenting with a partner discuss how you are both going to talk about these safety concerns with your children. It is beneficial to be on the same page about your approach. Families are different, so how one family approaches these issues will be different to how another does.

There is so much I could write about how we approach safety, so I may write a specific piece in the future. For now, just remember: talking is better than not talking, the kids are probably drawing their own conclusions and worrying anyway.

3) Try to drop everything and go out to do something fun every now and then. The best things in life are free, and are often remembered and held most dear.

The beach is my family's favourite place as it is only about 10 minutes drive away. Often we will just go. No preparation or any of that: just get in the car and go. I remember many a time arriving back to the car with half soaked children, and they all lived, even without a change of clothes or a towel to speak of. I especially love when one of them pipes up now and then, and suddenly says "remember the time we…" It is almost always an unplanned spur-of-the-moment memory.

2) Find and build wonderful friendships, within which you can be completely honest.

We all have a variety of types of friendships. There is nothing wrong with this. Some people are completely open, honest and comfortable talking about everything, some like to (or decide to) keep to themselves. We are all different, and I love that! But no matter who you are, it's sometimes just nice to be heard. For someone to listen carefully and be honest right back. It's helpful to have someone who can listen without judgement and to say 'I'm here for you' when there is nothing more to say; especially when 'it'll be okay' isn't even possible.

On tough days, remember that there are other parents out there just like you, going through similar situations. We are all in it together. Successful and in-between days. Share it all.

More on friendship here.

1) When there are no more words: hugs. And stories.

Parenting can be the best thing ever! It can leave a person feeling deeper feelings than they have ever before experienced, more fun than ever before. But it can also leave you alone in the dark, desperate for sleep and just one good hour. One. Solid. Good. Hour. Some situations can leave parents praying for answers, and trying not to let the tears show, because they are just done.

Some days there comes a moment when I realise the day can not be saved. No amount of motivation or brilliant ideas found on Pinterest can turn it around. On those days I let it go. I let go of all the expectations and goals and dreams and wonderful things I had planned and hoped for. I stop fighting.

Instead I hug them. My little ones, who I would give anything to run from at that horrible moment. I hug them and breathe. And just wait. All moments pass, some just seems to be harder to get past when emotions are running high and there seems to be nowhere to go and nothing left to do. I decide to take out all the words. There is nothing left to say that will be of any benefit to anyone anyway. As I feel my heart rate return to normal, as our breathing settles and that little one leans into me, giving up on all the anger and all the I-know-best, I wait a moment longer. Then I turn and ask them to come and read for a while. It's a myth that children stop wanting to be read to once they are proficient readers. Often this is when they need it the most. As I read, snuggled in, often questions surface about the character/s that reflect truly what all the angst was about to begin with. It's never about what it's about, after all.

Hug. Breathe. Let it pass. Then read stories.

There are never enough hugs or stories.xx

Different is normal. And the box doesn't actually exist.

I took Henry to the shops on the way home from work this afternoon. Henry goes to Prep at the same school I teach at, so this was a perfect opportunity. Henry was desperate for some new, cool, pants.

The whole washing hullabaloo has not been the biggest drama ever for most of the kids. They are all pretty used to searching through clean washing on the 'washing lounge' (names make lounges special after all.) The only one not coping so well, apart from me, was Henry.

Henry is cool. He really, really is. He is a sixteen year old in a four year old's body. He completely loves choosing clothes, adding his own flair. He can manage to pick out plaid pants, a random tee, green slip-on shoes, and he is good to go. I use threats of track pants as punishment. And I can only cut his hair to the maximum school allowable length.

Yesterday he attended the school book parade for his siblings, in the freezing cold and rain, with Grandma, Daisy and his cousin (yay Grandma!) He had on a Batman suit with clothes on underneath. Only there were no clothes. His few pairs of 'cool' pants were in the wash. Apparently freezing cold with no clothes is better than clothes that don't reach his high standards.

I could have argued with him. I could have told him that he has perfectly good clothes in his drawer.

But I didn't.

Here's why.

It's his thing. He likes to dress the way he does, with his hair never looking quite brushed, and he will NOT accept anything less. With me, that's totally okay.

Because I have things too.

I have lots of things. I like to read instead of fold washing. I need warm Activite before bed. I sleep the best under a quilt I made plus a dressing gown (it's the exact right weight- which matters!) I hate breakfast and peas and mornings. I love nighttime and sleep and tea. I find comfort in words: spoken, written, and meaningful. I live for the lightbulb moment in a child's eyes. Laying down next to one of my children calms me almost instantly, and a hug can always improve my mood.

So I have things. All grown ups do. Yet so often I hear that kids just have to learn to fall into line. Whatever that line is.

The problem with the line is that the line is invisible and kids just don't see it. I say yay for them. Often they are just too new to the world to conform or walk the imaginary line. When I see them skipping through the shopping centre dressed as fairies in gum boots, it reminds me of the different that is actually normal. Usually, it's just hidden by the sensible adults we have tried to become.

Our normals are all different. What is regular, ordinary and common for one person or family, would in fact be different for another.

In a way, I decide what I think is normal. And I'm wrong most of the time, because my normal is different from everyone else's normal. Which means that normals are actually mostly different. Yep. Different is in fact the only really norm.

It's a little like there really isn't an out-of-the-box, because there really isn't an in-the-box. Reason? Because the box doesn't have to be a thing in the first place. Thinking can be just thinking. It doesn't need a label. It doesn't need someone to give it a high five and tell that it is out-of-the-box. Thinking can just be because, and for no reason or purpose, or use. Thinking can just be.

And so can the creativity of kids. But that's a topic for another time.

While I hide my different with perceived normal, from habit more than anything, I will encourage my children to be okay with their different.

Their 'things' which make them, them, are all good with me. Whether it be a teepee in the backyard, doing homework with music on, taking 15 teddies to bed, liking only orange veggies for the moment, or wanting to wear only 'cool' pants; it's fine. I support the different. I support them.

I will continue to tell them different is normal. The world would be a pretty boring place if we were all the same. We are all different on purpose. And the box just doesn't exist.

So off the shops we went.

Henry chose some bright blue corduroy pants. He plans to wear them with his green shoes and cool top (I have no idea which one.)

For us, this is oh so normal. And awesome.