5 Tips Friday: How to use the power of encouragement in everyday life.

Earlier in the week I wrote about the power of encouragement, as a gift to the lives of others. So what does this look like in real life? As part of my 5 Tips Friday series, today I am focusing on just that: encouragement in everyday life.

How to use the power of encouragement in everyday life:

1) Be genuine.

There is no need to look too hard or make something up. Plenty of opportunities present themselves every day. Just say all the kind things you think, rather than keeping them where no one can see.

2) Speak what you think and feel without worrying what the person will think of you. 

There are many posts on Facebook telling people to say what they think when they don't agree with someone e.g. 'Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe and speak out'. It would be rare to see them encouraging people to say simple kind things in passing. Yet funnily enough I am much more likely to remember a few kind words directed specifically my way, than lengthy essays telling me what someone else wants to try to make me believe. It makes me wonder which exactly is more likely to change the world. When it comes down to it, a few simple words of encouragement are not going to make someone think badly of you: at worst, the person will be flattered.

3) Be specific. 

Yes tell a group they are great, but it is really easy for people to feel lost in a group or crowd. General feedback often gives the impression that the person giving feedback either doesn't really know who contributes what, or it is written off by individuals thinking that it was directed at someone else. I'm not saying don't do this at all, as it can be beneficial mentioning a team is effective, just make sure each person is encouraged individually too. Everyone wants to feel they are special in their own right, even if it is in contributing to a group.

4) Let encouragement become a habit. 

I work hard at this, and it does get easier. Most days I do it now without thinking.

5) Monitor and question your expectations.  

I find family are the hardest to encourage due to my expectations. My expectations tend to be high because I expect more from them, knowing what they are capable of. I am still working on this one! When you feel there is nothing to encourage anyone about, ask yourself if your expectations are realistic.

Notes about encouraging children:

With my children (home and school!) I choose to encourage effort rather than achievement. So many studies have shown this to be of greater benefit to children (just Google it!) Children praised or encouraged about attainment tend to believe ability is finite, whereas children encouraged and praised for effort believe ability is based on effort, and is therefore variable. When given tasks the child in the first instance often doesn't try hard if the task seems difficult, writing it off as something they are just not good at. The child in the second instance will continue to try, believing simply more effort is needed.

I use this with all that they do, from trying hard to brush their hair to working diligently with homework. Sometimes I see articles implying parents praise too much and I wonder if I am. But then I think about my interactions over the day, and I can safely say I am probably more critical than encouraging, so I don't think it's the case for me! The criticism is something I'm still working on! But seriously, how hard is it to put dirty uniforms in the wash basket!!!!!

The best bit about determining to be encouraging is that it is catching. When I see it in my children, I can't help but smile.

What tips do you have for encouraging children or those adults who you come into contact with in the everyday?

Jen.x