About a year ago while reading a book called 'Plenty' by Kerri Patterson for the first time, I came across an unusual idea.
One evening after a long day, at a time when I felt I had nothing left, and all I had done all day was correct and try to stop an almost 4 year old boy from levelling the house, this idea came to mind.
I was out of options so I gave it a go.
As I tucked him into bed I said this (with various actions):
"If I had ALL the almost-four year old boys, in the WHOLE world, and they were ALL lined up in a loooong row, and I was told I could pick JUST ONE almost-4 year old boy to take home and have come and live with us and be part of our family, I would walk carefully along the line. I would look at the boys and say, 'not you, not you, and certainly NOT YOU!' But then I would see a wonderful, awesome little boy named HENRY. I would walk right up to him and hug him and smile and say 'YOU are the one! You are the only almost-four year old boy I want to have as part of our family.' I pick YOU!'
As I cuddled him tight a smile that had been lacking all day appeared on both our faces. Division and misunderstanding gave way to a still-little boy melting into his mummy's arms in surrender. It was one of those moments that can never be forgotten.
A year on, Henry still asks me to "do that thing with the picking me," and I say "yes." He smiles his special smile and I repeat the same story, occasionally with variations. He will ask that all the boys be in a square, or a circle. At times, when I guess he is feeling overlooked or needs reassurance, he stops me part way through the story and asks me questions.
"What if all the other boys had cooler clothes than me? Would you still pick me?"
"What if I wasn't listening or standing still? Would you still pick me?"
"What if we all had hats on and you couldn't see me properly? Would you still pick me?"
And my answer is always the same:
"I would pick you no matter what! Clothes or NO clothes, listening or not listening, because I KNOW you are meant to be part of this family. You are meant to be with me. I will always choose you."
His response is always to put aside his too-cool facade, smile wide, hug me tight and say "mummy" in a way that he never says at any other time.
The other kids will ask for me to say the story for them too, and I do. They love it as well. I 'pick' the best 7 year old girl, the most awesome 8 year old girl, or the most amazing 11 year old boy. But they have different special things. This is Henry's thing.
With five children in the family it is so much fun for them, but it would be easy to feel lost in the crowd. Everyone likes to feel special, seen, heard, and above all loved for exactly who they are. Even if they don't have cool clothes;)
One day Henry will tire of playing with toy planes and cars. He will stop drawing fire-breathing dragons and holding them up proudly to show me. He will move on from digging quarries under the trampoline. And he will stop asking me to tell him the story of choosing him. But I will always remember this special time, when I saw the happiest of all his smiles, all because I chose him.
I will always choose him.
Jen.x
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