5 Tips Friday: How to use the power of encouragement in everyday life.

Earlier in the week I wrote about the power of encouragement, as a gift to the lives of others. So what does this look like in real life? As part of my 5 Tips Friday series, today I am focusing on just that: encouragement in everyday life.

How to use the power of encouragement in everyday life:

1) Be genuine.

There is no need to look too hard or make something up. Plenty of opportunities present themselves every day. Just say all the kind things you think, rather than keeping them where no one can see.

2) Speak what you think and feel without worrying what the person will think of you. 

There are many posts on Facebook telling people to say what they think when they don't agree with someone e.g. 'Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe and speak out'. It would be rare to see them encouraging people to say simple kind things in passing. Yet funnily enough I am much more likely to remember a few kind words directed specifically my way, than lengthy essays telling me what someone else wants to try to make me believe. It makes me wonder which exactly is more likely to change the world. When it comes down to it, a few simple words of encouragement are not going to make someone think badly of you: at worst, the person will be flattered.

3) Be specific. 

Yes tell a group they are great, but it is really easy for people to feel lost in a group or crowd. General feedback often gives the impression that the person giving feedback either doesn't really know who contributes what, or it is written off by individuals thinking that it was directed at someone else. I'm not saying don't do this at all, as it can be beneficial mentioning a team is effective, just make sure each person is encouraged individually too. Everyone wants to feel they are special in their own right, even if it is in contributing to a group.

4) Let encouragement become a habit. 

I work hard at this, and it does get easier. Most days I do it now without thinking.

5) Monitor and question your expectations.  

I find family are the hardest to encourage due to my expectations. My expectations tend to be high because I expect more from them, knowing what they are capable of. I am still working on this one! When you feel there is nothing to encourage anyone about, ask yourself if your expectations are realistic.

Notes about encouraging children:

With my children (home and school!) I choose to encourage effort rather than achievement. So many studies have shown this to be of greater benefit to children (just Google it!) Children praised or encouraged about attainment tend to believe ability is finite, whereas children encouraged and praised for effort believe ability is based on effort, and is therefore variable. When given tasks the child in the first instance often doesn't try hard if the task seems difficult, writing it off as something they are just not good at. The child in the second instance will continue to try, believing simply more effort is needed.

I use this with all that they do, from trying hard to brush their hair to working diligently with homework. Sometimes I see articles implying parents praise too much and I wonder if I am. But then I think about my interactions over the day, and I can safely say I am probably more critical than encouraging, so I don't think it's the case for me! The criticism is something I'm still working on! But seriously, how hard is it to put dirty uniforms in the wash basket!!!!!

The best bit about determining to be encouraging is that it is catching. When I see it in my children, I can't help but smile.

What tips do you have for encouraging children or those adults who you come into contact with in the everyday?

Jen.x

The power we have to make a difference. And how easy it is to forget in the everyday.

We all have the power to change lives every day. But it is all too easy to forget in the busyness and all of the lives we lead.

Many times we do not even see the result of this simple choice we make, or in the tiny amount of time it takes to make this difference, but it can make an amazing difference to someone else.

A few weeks ago I had been questioning my decision to write and publish. It happens occasionally. It's not like I was about to stop writing, but not pressing publish would be a relatively easy step. By the Thursday afternoon of that week, after driving home from working, coming home to many cuddles, but also overwhelming tiredness, I had pretty much decided to just leave it. Readers had been decreasing and I didn't really see the need to continue. No big deal really. My life is so full as it is.

I'm completely blessed, happy, and have more than enough to keep me busy. If I am not really making a difference to others, then what is the point?

But then about an hour after I had pretty much made my decision, as I picked up my iPad to check Instagram (needing some pretty inspiration!) I noticed a Facebook notification. I opened Facebook to discover a lovely encouraging message from someone I hadn't seen in years. I was completely overcome with gratitude, at the amazing encouragement as I read it. It spoke of how much she had enjoyed reading my blog posts. This, from someone I was unaware had even seen them.

In that moment I sighed and resolved to keep going a little longer. I decided to continue pressing publish, even if very few people were reached. Because I was reminded again that one person reached should be more than enough. It is easy to forget that in the disappointment of statistics that claim failure and the number, rather than names, of those following along.

The power of encouragement is huge.

The difference that reaching one person can make, is at times so big that it can change the course of history.

A sentence. A few words. A smile followed by a brief remark. All these things have the power to make a person's day, yes, but it is so much more than that.

The effect that these very simple words have can be even greater than we ever know. Not everyone lives their life out in the open for all to see. Some are hurting behind the biggest of smiles and the most fabulous hair and make up. Insecurity lives in many people. Some who choose to stand back and remain quiet, as well as some that live loudly laughing before everyone.

You can never judge a book by it's cover, we are told. But more so, you can never know what is going on in the back ground of the life of the person standing right in front of you. We can never know decisions that are being made, feelings that are being felt, and we can never truly know what is in another person's heart.

In this lies amazing power for all who choose to step out and decide they want to make a difference in this very simply way. As words leave your thoughts and move beyond your lips, encouragement can have a great impact on the way the person receiving them sees themselves and feels in that moment, as well as beyond.

Most people are overly critical of themselves. Sometimes this is a great thing because we all have things we need to change and work on. There are times however when we really need to have reflected back to us all the things that are great and lovely about ourselves.

Too often we hear stories of people who have suffered in silence or struggled alone. There are massive problems that exist in our world that seem insurmountable. And we can't fix everything.

But we do have the power to make sure there is a little hope, a little love, a little grace, a little happiness in there for the people we come into contact with.

It is an incredible gift to hold that power and choose to give it away.

We all think encouraging thoughts often. We admire someone's hair style, we smile and think to ourselves how well a mum deals with a tricky situation, we say to ourselves that a colleague is amazing at their job. We think it. We do. All the time.

The power however comes only when these thoughts are given a voice. Saying things out loud for everyone to hear, proclaiming them to be true before others, is a greater gift than many we try to wrap up and give at appropriate times throughout the year.

Simple words of encouragement have incredible power when spoken aloud. Use encouragement to make a difference in someone's life today: use it honestly, liberally and with gratitude. You may never know the difference it makes to someone else, but I can assure you it will.

Jen.x

Daisy's 2nd birthday and party. Minimalist and slightly healthy.

Daisy turned two years old. I can hardly believe it! Surely it was yesterday I brought her home from the hospital. Now she is old enough to sit singing to herself, colouring in and asking for me to turn 'In the night garden' on at snack time.

Time really does fly by. I have learnt to really value and celebrate the moments: big and small. Once I hated birthdays and thought they were inconvenient. Now I realise that they are a gift that too many parents end up not receiving due to terrible circumstances. Our family is blessed. I am blessed. And so I choose to make a fuss of birthdays and smile and celebrate, and recognise the blessing it is to have an opportunity to do so.

In doing this I have also learnt to look at the important stuff, focus on that and let many of the unimportant details slide. Parties can in fact be simple. They can be inexpensive. It's just necessary to let go of some of the misconceptions that surround them. I will write about my simple formula for parties later. For now, here is Daisy's special day.

Stories in the early morning light.

Who is having a birthday today?!

All my little loves. And yes, they rarely wear matching pjs. Whatever helps them sleep!

Little lamb:)

A few siblings are also in love with Daisy's new dolly. Isabel: "how much could I pay you to make me a dolly like this? It's too long until my birthday." What a sweetie!

Writing on her own birthday card, just like mummy.

Nap time: must carry all the beloveds.

People singing 'Happy birthday' is a little scary. Thankfully siblings/friends were there to make it all okay.

Jack and Isabel helping Daisy to blow out her candles.

Present time.

Time for clean up.

Sneaking in a little block play before showers and bed. Henry: "quick mum, take a picture!"

Such a lovely day for everyone, especially Daisy. She has spent a lot of time now singing 'Happy birthday' to herself and pretending to blow out candles. Getting in some practice for next year.

 Below are some of the gifts I made her. I also made three dresses.

Jen.x

Winter on the beach. Sunset after buying snow gear!

We were considering a trip to the Gold Coast, Queensland, but have decided on a trip to the snow instead. This meant a big shop this afternoon with all five kids, buying (almost!!) everything we need.

As this is not the most exciting of adventures for children I promised them a visit to the beach on the way home. With Craig asleep after nightshift last night, it was a take-a-deep-breath-and-jump outing for me. As it turned out it was a great afternoon.

The photos are just from my iPhone, but I loved them so much I just had to share. Looking at them I can't help shaking my head in disbelief and thankfulness: I get to live a short drive from here. And it is still warm enough to walk the water's edge at sunset on the 7th day of winter. Yes, absolutely blessed.

And as usual after having my feet in the ocean, all of my worries have completely faded away leaving a smile on my face.

I hope you had a great Sunday too.x