Who remembers when I wrote about how I learnt to be a better parent in one moment?
Well, it's been a while since I've written in that particular book. I reorganised a few things and made the mistake of placing something on top of it. So it stayed closed.
Today I decided to take it back out again.
After writing down what I think a happy home looks like yesterday, it was time to do something really easy: ask myself the question-
Do we have what we have decided is our version of a happy home?
And furthermore, what areas are we missing the mark, or aiming for something that hasn't even been listed as important?
These are tricky questions. For some things listed, the answers are pretty obvious. One perfect example, was one of Craig's responses: "a clean and tidy home."
Oh.
Deep down I know this about him. It's no surprise that a guy who has been in the Air Force values organisation and cleanliness. But in the day to day it's easy to push it aside, because I can live with things a little more lived in. It was an easy fix really, asking the kids to help out with cleaning today. I didn't get anything super fun done with the kids or and sewing done this morning, but the house does look lovely and Craig was smiling when he returned home. It's also surprising the fun the kids had in between 'helping' moments. Jack and Daisy were particularly sweet. So yes, some responses were easy to assess and think of changes that needed to be made.
Other things on my page, about my home in particular, were things that I didn't realise were important to me, but plans can be made in the future, and just knowing that, is enough for now.
There were however a few left over items written down that I was a little stuck on, or perhaps a better way of putting it is that I didn't really trust my own judgement to assess them properly. I wanted something more concrete. And that's when I remembered the book.
Re-reading that post again made me teary. Mainly because lately I haven't been the mum I was when I wrote it. I have been expecting too much and paying little attention to what they are contributing and trying hard with, but rather finding fault. Too many sighs of impatience, too many hurry-up-s.
I needed to go back to remembering that big truth:
They hear what I think.
Ouch.
Sometimes the truth is necessary. And it hurts. My viewpoint was a problem again, and I certainly knew it.
So the book is back out, and I am writing. Not only that, I am taking photos when I notice them being particularly kind, thoughtful, helping etc. All the things I wrote I wanted for my children and family. In a few days I will go back and have another look at everything I've written about what believe a picture of a happy home is, and compare.
If I have learnt nothing more from this process so far, it's that honesty is important. As I read the pages of my bright, sunny yellow book, filled with positive comments about my children, I realise how important it is to realise what is. What really is. Not just what I think it is, after briefly glossing over the events of the day. It is far too easy to feel my children are not helping, when I zone in on times in the day when they didn't do what they were asked. And when it's what I believe, it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.
Time to focus on the truth. What really is. And make changes based on real needs. Not imagined ones.
As I wrote all those months ago:
There will continue to be moments that change me. I welcome the challenge, because I know from experience the rewards can be worth it.
They hear what I think.
Let what I think be the best of them.
Jen.x
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