The shaky lipped girl and the one she adores the most

Daisy introduced our family to the shaky lip early on.

When she was inconsolable, her bottom lip would tremble and we knew that she was REALLY upset. The other kids would tackle her rush to her side, trying to make better whatever was wrong. But Daisy only wanted mummy. It's always been all-about-mummy for her. And secretly I loved it.

As Daisy grew, I started to see shaky lip less. Suddenly it was not only me who could settle her. Jack especially could be counted on to help make her happy. He would find toys for her to play with. He would talk to her and gently convince her to play instead of wanting me at every possible moment. She learnt to trust both Jack and Isabel. And learnt the get-out-of-my-face hand swipe for her other two siblings. Four and six year olds find personal space a challenge.

This week the shaky lip came out to play yet again. Everything was the end of the world. Cuddles were needed in abundance. And carrying. "Mumumum" was the word of the moment, so naturally I thought it was all about me. After all, everything is, right?;) Obviously Daisy had missed me while I was at work. But by today I was left wondering if there could be more to this clinginess than I first thought.

Then Jack came home from camp.

I quickly realised that this was in fact all about him. The shaky lipped girl missed her adoring older brother. The brother who always smiles at her. The brother who is always happy to see her. The brother who told me before he left, that his biggest concern about camp was that he'd get homesick and miss Daisy too much.

I wondered: perhaps it had just been quiet around here because they were all so busy with missing. Missing someone who is so much a part of their lives, that they are not quite sure how to do life without him.

I realise I really have missed something this week. I missed this. I missed the you-are-never-getting-us-into-bed ganging up on me. I missed the chasing around the house, complaining about the unfairness of shower usage and the no-that-is-the-pencil-that-I'M-using craziness. The chaos that makes up every normal day of my life, because in all of that, are the moments I don't always notice. The moments I should notice. The look of absolute, complete I-will-do-anything-you-say adoration that Henry and Daisy give Jack, every moment he is in the room. The way Isabel laughs hysterically at the things Jack says, even when he is not being that funny. The patience Jack shows as he explains something so deliberately to Lucy, getting down to her level to make sure she understands. The light in their eyes, that seems to come alive when they are all together, just being the collective 'us.'

With all the hard work, the too-much-to-handle situations and I-just-can't-do-this moments, come the amazing bits that would otherwise never take place. Memories that will be the ones I will treasure always because they are hard won and never come easily. These are the moments that make up my life. Not necessarily an easy life, but one that feels worthwhile to me.

So life is all about Jack right now. Henry just HAD to shower because Jack did. Neither Lucy or Isabel even looked at me or said hello coming out of school today. They looked into the distance and said "where's Jack?" But I can just smile. It's not all about me. And I wouldn't change that for anything.

Jen.x