What is fear keeping you from? The awesome beyond.

This week I have been struggling. I have a sinus infection that is annoying me and the medication makes me teary and generally negative. As a result I'm looking at the bad side, while trying desperately hard to look at the good. There is almost always good mixed in with the not-so-good, it's about focus. My focus has been slightly off.

On the way home, I started thinking about just forgetting about the blog. Just stopping.

Do I really need to publish? Couldn't I just write forever and never hit 'publish' again? Would anyone even notice? Do I care? Is it really a valuable use of my time? Can't I just cruise Facebook and share other amazing blogs? Is there really any point?…..

And the questioning went on. Negative. I told you. We all have times when we question behind I've-certainly-got-it-all-together smiles and I'm-completely-fine replies to how-are-you-s. I am no exception. And right now there really isn't anything hard or terrible going on. Sometimes it's just life. And because. And *sigh*.

So with questions and half formed answers rolling through my mind while driving the long road home, I was shocked when a thought came suddenly to mind. A memory actually. A memory of a rebuke from my kind, patient, adoring husband no less.

It was like this. In the mid-year break we went on a family holiday to Queensland. We were all very excited. The kids were going on a plane for the first time, a REAL holiday for the first time! They wanted to tell everyone. And I said no. I told them that we needed to be safe, and not tell everyone that no one would be home for ten days. I followed this advice to the letter, only telling close friends and relatives and definitely did not post a word on Facebook. And so, we left.

As we were turning onto the freeway heading to the airport, I checked Facebook, bored of travel already. And there it was. One sentence that changed so much. Craig had updated his status just moments before we left. One sentence telling everyone that we were on our way to Queensland.

I was cranky and certainly started to tell him so. But then he turned to me briefly and said something oh so important.

"Exactly when did we start living in fear?"

And I tried to argue and he replied with:

"What's the worst that could happen? We lose all our stuff? When did stuff become so important? Everything that matters is right here."

And I fell silent, deep in thought, because he was right. He was more than right. He had addressed a problem that I really needed to face.

Fear all too often stops amazing things from happening. It robs moments that can never be restored. It sees opportunities fall away untaken. It causes all too many to regret. And it makes us believe the lie of 'can't', when 'can' is really the truth.

So I humbled myself and shared Craig's status and then continued to share photos updating others about our trip along the way. I put aside my fears and changed my focus to what was. What really was. Not the false reality that fear presents.

After this trip things changed. I started to think about what fear was keeping me from. It made me see things differently and more clearly, analysing my motivation for doing or not-doing things.

It is no coincidence that I wrote my first blog post two weeks after we returned. An advertisement for Blogger titled something like "start a blog today!" came up while I was using google to search for something else. I remember standing there and asking myself "why not?" I had just been absolutely inspired by a post someone else had written about a village, and when I was completely honest, the only thing stopping me was fear.

What if it is a flop? What if no one reads it? What if it turns out to be a complete waste of time and everyone laughs at me? What if I am just a terrible writer?…….

Fear.

But Craig's words came to mind. What is the worst that could happen? And exactly when did I start letting fear rule me.

So I wrote. And then nervously pressed publish before I could change my mind. And I don't regret it. The amazing thing about fear is that once it is overcome, freedom exists. And that feels awesome. Nothing quite like it actually.

In the months that have followed I have continued to write and click 'publish.' I have made connections that would not exist but for the blog. I have learnt that my writing is something I love and need to do, whether 50 or 350 people read it. Writing makes me smile and stay calm when there is no calm to be found. Most importantly others have responded, sharing things in a quiet, off-the-record way, along with questions that would have stayed stuck in silence otherwise. That's the part no one sees and what often keeps me going.

Which brings me back to the moment in the car today.

Do I need the blog? Do I need to publish, even if only 50 people want to read it today? Yes I do.

If it is important to one person, it is important to me. And the fear needs to know that I do not listen to it.

Today I choose to write ignoring negative thoughts. Today I choose to click 'publish' in spite of any lingering fears. Today I choose yet again to step forward in the world beyond, into the awesome freedom that lives there waiting for me.

So all that is left is to ask a simple question. Is negativity and fear keeping you from anything today? Maybe it's time to silence the lie of 'can't' and choose to step out. Freedom is waiting.