We are almost there. And why we are never prepared enough for this time of year.

Tonight I finally got to speak with my best friend, for the first time in what feels like forever. We got the chance to vent and go through all that is challenging us right now. And I had far too much to say. Far too much.

This afternoon my family went to a lovely housewarming party. Great hosts, well organised, everyone relaxed, good food, and us: excited to be attending. I was really looking forward to it. As a family of 7, invitations are few and far between, as it is a lot of people to invite over all at once. So the girls chose their dresses carefully. Henry always chooses his clothes carefully. Jack picked the only outfit he was sure would match well. And I even carefully made (sewed) part of the gift. Excited!

It had been really busy all day, and I absentmindedly felt to be missing something as we left the house. I remembered the gift at the last minute, there sitting on the table, and felt that must have been what I was thinking about and ran down to the car.

It wasn't until I arrived and sat down that I started to notice a few things.

First it was my clothes. Hmmm, I completely forgot to get changed before we left.

Then I remembered I was interrupted after brushing my teeth this morning, so I never actually brushed my hair.

Then people with flawless makeup appeared. Yep, never got to that drawer either. But that wasn't even the worst part.

Daisy wanted watermelon. So I asked Craig to grab a bib from the baby bag. It wasn't there.

Suddenly I realised that at no point had I checked or refilled the baby bag. No bibs, no spare clothes, not even a dummy or drink bottle (for any of the 5 children!) or any dairy free food. Nothing.

Mum of 5 without a clue. And so many parents around me with everything completely under control. And I bet they had even looked in a mirror before they left the house. I chided myself again that we still hadn't even gotten around to installing our full length mirror.

So of course easy-toddler Daisy turned into a terror. So used to having all her needs perfectly met, she was none too happy in a sticky (watermelon) and wet (drinking from a cup that she HAD to hold herself) dress. With no dummy to quietly avert tantrums. Not the worst toddler behaviour I have seen from my children combined, but definitely the worst from her. She was tired, grumpy, and difficult. And it was completely my fault.

You see I thought I was prepared. I thought I had everything under control. I was excited, I had worked toward going, but somehow in the process I had missed a few things.

Which brings me back to my chat with my best friend tonight.

After I poured out my heart as to all the things that just aren't working, aren't going well and how much I have to do, with the not-enough-time-to-do-it, she said something very important.

"Don't you remember, we always feel like this at this time of year! We are nearly there."

I instantly knew she was right. But I was cranky with myself, because if I know it will be this way, then why is like this year after year. Why am I not getting better at it?

Sitting here now, I thought back over the day and realised how much the circumstance with Daisy was just so very the same.

I knew months ago that this time of year is high pressure, so I started preparing. And I did my best. I organised, looked over our decisions, and felt confident we could make it though fine. Smooth sailing! And I was super excited!

But then the kids got sick. Doctors visits. Me with hives. Blood tests. Exhaustion. Plain I-just-want-to-curl-up-in-a-corner-somewhere-for-a-week tiredness. But no. Instead dance rehearsals, food (that has to be prepared all-the-time, ALL-THE-TIME!!!) and all the Christmas stuff that somehow slips under the radar. Again.

Yes. Sometimes I miss stuff. I don't think to plan for stuff. And it all gets too hard.

And sometimes I forget to pack the baby bag.

But my friend was right. We are nearly there. An end is in sight. It is not going to last forever.

Today the kids had a ball at the house warming party. I was able to chat to a few people in between trying to redirect and pacify Daisy, and we made it through the BBQ. Just. And managed to leave before she truly lost it (getting into the car), so yay, win!

And this is what we will remember.

Not the fact that I didn't brush my hair or even try to look nice. Not the empty baby bag.

I will remember the fun. The connecting. The laughs. The friends.

So in all the stress I'm feeling now, the not-enough I'm carrying, the how-can-I-get-it-all-done-and-stay-sane that I'm trying to make sense of, I need to remember a few very important things.

I'm nearly there.

I will make it though, hair done or not, boxes ticked or not, with or without all the details taken care of.

And all I will remember is the fun. The giggles, the cuddles, the stories and the bright eyes filled with excitement.

In years to come when I look back on this time, the details and the problems and the disasters will fade. And the moments of joy will remain.

And I know, with absolute clarity, that I won't remember Daisy's watermelon soaked dress.

I will remember her giggling at the puppy as she tried to pat it, hugging me with her head on my shoulder, and the simple happiness of eating a piece of watermelon without a care in the world.

Jen.x