It is a huge thing. And there is no shortage of information, research, and editorials on it out there trying to help us navigate this new world.
I myself have read a plethora of articles, research, and books on how to handle integrating computer-type technology into our lives, in a way that doesn't harm my children. The extremes on both ends of the scale trigger fear. I feel like they are meant to. I quickly try to push those fears aside, because fear is never the right motivator for me. Instead I come back to the same core belief I hold in all areas of parenting. We are all different. I was given these specific children on purpose. I ask myself some very important questions:
Who are my children and what do they need?
What will work best for them and our family as a whole?
The truth is that the answers will never be the same for all families or even all children. That's why the debate rages. We are all different. With unlimited access to technology some children can naturally find what works for them and set their own boundaries, maintaining interests beyond, in an easy way. Some become the next generation of amazing creators and inventors. Others become completely addicted in such a way that they lose interest in the rest of the world around them. And the thing is that noone can tell a parent what is right, because noone else knows their children quite like they do. There just isn't a best way.
But the articles invoking fear continue, and it's hard to be strong against them, especially in this busy, time poor world, where parents are overwhelmed with choice and the need to do everything 'right.' Our generation experiences parenting on almost complete public display. And everyone seems to have an opinion. We all do. I do. It has become harder to make definite decisions, because it seems as though we are presented a new 'right' every week. We struggle to keep up with the latest research on what could possibly be best for our children. And the range of topics is endless. We have to consider not only the growing-up-to-be-functioning-members-of-society, but now have to consider: the risk factors of obesity, over/under use of extracurricular activities, the variety of different ways there is now to educate, processed/whole/paleo/carb/no-sugar/food-additive-free/organic food options, childcare/work-full-time/work-part-time, and the use of technology, just to name a few. In the end it sometimes feels to me like it has become white noise in the background, and it would be easier just to turn it off. But I can't.
The drive to know more is just so strong. We were raised by generations who fought hard to give us the information and choice we now have. And it can be truly wonderful. Thank you. But. But with choice comes overwhelming responsibility, and information that is available has NO END. Sometimes it makes the days of meat-and-three-vegetables-for-dinner-and-a-vegemite-sandwich-for-lunch look appetising.
Which brings me back to the technology debate, that is not only out there in the big wide world, but also within me. I love the connection, the creation, the unlimitedness, the know-everything-ness, and the right-now, of the technology I have at my disposal. I love it. And I don't like it. I don't like that it takes away sitting and wondering at times, the indoorness, the potential brain altering of my children, the sedateness, and the anti sleep effects it can have. Yet it is here to stay, and I probably wouldn't want it any other way, because when it comes right down to it: I love having the whole world and my closest friends at my fingertips. I have to fight the white noise, consider carefully and make decisions based on my own children.
The experience of our family of seven
So having decided to integrate this technology into our lives, Craig and I had big decisions to make, much the same as most parents. How would we mould it's use into a workable format for our everyday lives? It has been a long process, sometimes with two steps forward, one step back, but at the moment it seems that we are happy with what is going on.
In my family, and perhaps others, how we respond to technology, is an amplified reflection of attitudes and personality in everyday life. For example, I am all about connection, talking, creating, reading, organising, and generally just love being with people, as opposed to spending time alone. I love finding out more, and would give anything to help someone else avoid the mistakes I have made. When I consider all of this, my computer history is an exact reflection. I write a blog, chat via Facebook, search the web, use Kindle for iPad, and love Pinterest! The interactions I observe with my children and iPads also reflect their everyday preferences and personalities.
So what does technology use really look like in my family?
For starters I use iProducts and my husband uses Android. This has never been a problem, and the kids use both, although tend to use iProducts more. I use an iPad, iPhone and a Mac. If I was to analyse what I use these for, most interactions would come under these headings: work, creating, connecting, photography, reading, and exploring. I would most use: Blogger, Kindle for iPad, Pinterest, Facebook, Word, Email (work and home), and Safari.
My five children are the perfect example of how given the same opportunity to use technology, the response can be very different.
My two middle girls have very little interest. I could easily have no boundaries and their use of iPads would not dramatically increase. They are so involved in play together or alone, drawing, writing, imaginative play, reading etc, that this makes iPad use quite low on the list of things they enjoy. If they do use an iPad, it would be to add to what they have chosen to do, rather than completely zoning out of the world around them. If they want time alone they generally choose reading, colouring-in/drawing, sewing, Lego, or playing with toys such as Barbies, Ponies, or puzzles.
The number one reason Isabel and Lucy use an iPad is for music to dance to. If they do choose to use an app, it would be one that involves creating something (especially Isabel.) They love Lego Friends Story Maker, CrazyCraft, My incredible body, and Music4kids. Lucy also likes apps where the letters are to be moved around to make words. She likes to manipulate words and language in general. Isabel finds this skill quite difficult. She instead loves me to put her weekly spelling words into Spellosaur. The weeks we do this on Monday, and she finishes the program before Friday, lead to the greatest success in her school spelling test. I am personally more concerned about the vast difference between her verbal and written spelling ability, which we have found out developed due to specific eye problems, but she loves to come home happy and confident on Friday after a good spelling test, so Spellosaur it is! Isabel also likes jigsaw apps and occasionally puzzles. When I asked them each what was their favourite, these were the responses:
Lucy: "dancing to music."
Isabel: "making (composing) music."
Henry and Jack are another story. They are six years apart, but both love using anything with a screen. They would watch grass grow on TV if it was the only option. Screen boundaries exist in our home because of them. As setting boundaries can be difficult to maintain and enforce, we have chosen to make screen use, and non-screen time, part of our predictable routine. Rules set for all children work well in our home, as does integrating technology use and rules into the rhythm of our days.
Henry uses the iPad for music, playing the Lego building games, using the Play School app, and playing logic type puzzle games, such as Disney's 'Water?' game. I prefer Henry to play his Leappad Ultra as it is much more safe, as far as only allowing the content Craig and I have chosen to upload. Henry is our master of everything and he can work anything out easily. He doesn't see boundaries to his capabilities. This is great when he learnt to ride a bike with no training wheels at 3 years old, and could tackle a playground easily before 2 years old, but has been challenging in many other instances. We had to buy a more expensive, heavy to open, baby gate because he quickly figured the other one out. He could open doors with round handles at 18 months, and figured out how to use a key to open the simple door locks before 2 years old. 'I can't' only exists in his vocabulary when cleaning is brought up. So it stands to reason that he is the one who has figured out how to do things with the iPad that I have no filter or lock for. I would still like to know how to lock him out of iTunes radio. Only Henry would be able to find a Minecraft parody channel that includes swearing.
Jack uses a variety of apps. His favourites are 'Clash of clans' (which he loves because he is in a clan with kids from school) and Minecraft. I plan to introduce him to a 'learn to code' app, as I think he will really love it.
We have a '9 year old' rule for owning iPods. We made this rule purely due to this being an age when children tend to become more responsible. It is an age where children have now moved into primary school and much more is expected of them, especially as this is when class sizes become larger. In Year Three, children seem to grow up a great deal and as iPods are expensive, the expectation around here is that the child has to look after it and accept any limits put on it's use. I also secretly love that right now Isabel is super excited because it is something she has been looking forward to for some time. This Christmas it is her turn. In this world of instant gratification, sometimes it's a gift to give children the chance to anticipate and become excited. Specific games of choice can only be added to iPods, not the communal iPads. Minecraft is one of these games. It is nice that the older kids have something special that is just for them. They all like the fairness of these rules. Any time a younger child complains, it is never me who has to remind them of the rule, it will always be another child.
Daisy is only 15 months old and is not interested in screens yet. She only likes TV if there is a documentary about animals on it. The kids will occasionally ask to watch a National Geographic documentary, which we use apple TV to bring it up on the big screen. She will watch a little then. iPads and iPhones are still a 'no' for her, to be entirely honest because the products are expensive and I don't want them broken. Craig has taught her to move the photos on his phone and Daisy does dance along to the music when the girls are playing it.
As I mentioned, we fit computer/tablet use into the rhythm of our day, rather than setting time allocations. This is partly because I have found great success in this method in the past, and partly because it would be difficult to monitor exact usage in any other way with four child users. All children are allowed access after they are completely ready to leave in the morning, on school days. They are also allowed access after showers and homework in the evening, before dinner. After dinner is for reading only. Henry is sometimes allowed to use an iPad or his Leappad Ultra after lunch, while Daisy is asleep. He also watches Play School and Fireman Sam of a morning. As a whole, the kids do not watch TV during the week, except on the days I work and Grandma looks after them. On the weekend they are allowed to use iPads/ipods/Leap products/3DS (7+ for 3DS ownership) during our relaxing mornings and after lunch while Daisy is sleeping. This seems to be working for us right now.
Reading all of the above some of you will think we are being to harsh, others may think we are not setting enough limits. And that's just it. Everyone is looking through the eyes of their own experiences, knowledge, and especially the children they are close to. This just doesn't work. Yes, we all need to speak to others, learn, look at research, experiment, and consider ideas, but in the end it all comes down to what is best for the children and family we have.
So when considering the use of technology in your household I do not have perfect, exact advice.
Instead I simply suggest you consider these questions:
Who are your children and what do they need?
What will work best for them and your family as a whole?
Let the rest fade away.
Jen, love that you take an active approach with your kids! They look like just the right age to start e-mail, I would love to give you Kids Email for free to try in your home. E-mail me if you would like too brittany.oler@kidsemail.org
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