5 tips Friday: Making birthdays special. Simply.

Birthdays are special. They are. 

For kids it's all about the excitement, and yay, another year older. For grown ups, perhaps it is slightly different, with the occasional celebration focused on yay, survived another year.

There are so many different ways to celebrate, and with so many children, I think I have almost too many ideas. Today I'm looking at the simple things that really seem to be the most important.

Here are my top 5 tips:

1) Decide on a 'way of doing things'.

Make the way your family celebrates birthdays somewhat consistent. Rhythms can be important to children. It provides an element of predictability that can provide comfort. Yes, some children need this more than others, but most children love the knowing-what's-coming-next. Small surprises and occasional spontaneity are great, but having a general rhythm creates an excellent baseline. 

We have a big first birthday party, then a small party the year before preschool, a class party in Kinder, then parties every second year after that. The parties themselves are all different, but each child knows when it is their turn, and more importantly, when it is not. 

We open one present in the morning, then the rest in the afternoon, with a simple cake for afternoon tea. That is if the party is not on the actual birthday. Once school age, the child is allowed (if they want to) to bring small cakes or donuts to school for the class. We use the same cake plate for every cake and have done for as long as the kids remember. It's not so much the 'what' of what we do, but more that they can count on it, and love to look forward to having their turn, with a few little surprises special for them.

2) Make the card special.

I'm not sure when I started it, but in every birthday card I give to the kids, I write all about what they were like over the past year on the left hand flap of the card. I write down firsts, holidays, friends, likes, hobbies etc, all just in quick point form. I toyed with the idea of a letter, but many birthdays came at really rough times, when I had reflux babies to contend with, and quite frankly it is a miracle that I wrote down anything at all. Now I am so glad I found a few write-instead-of-sleep minutes late at night to do it. Each child can look back at the cards and find out what they were like at any age. Generally when they ask it is all a bit blurry for me now.

3) Don't shoot for the stars, unless you really do have a lot of disposable time.

Simple things done each year by a reasonably calm and happy parent have a greater impact, than magnificent events conducted by a parent that is too stressed or busy to sit down and talk with the birthday child. Focus on what can be accomplished really easily and well, and can repeated year to year if you wish. Make one thing wonderful and special if you do have a little bit of time to spare.

4) The night before their birthday: share their story.

The night before each child's birthday, in the dark at bedtime, I sit with the over excited, can't-sleep, child and I tell them a story. Not just any story: their baby story. I tell them about how excited I was. How BIG I was. What we did to prepare for their arrival. How excited other people were, and the special things they said. I tell them that I was so happy to be making a new family with them in it. I tell them (age appropriately) about their birth. I tell them about their first week. 

Lucy's frogs legs and how she loved to be bundled up tight. Isabel's calmness, how Jack couldn't stop smiling and her being my very first girl. Staring at Henry laying beside me, so happy to have another boy. Jack making me a mummy for the very first time, not knowing what to do, and his absolute tininess. 

They each lay there, eyes wide, not wanting my story to end. It is probably my favourite part of their birthday. And considering Jack came out twice last night to ask me to come and say good night, I am pretty sure they love it too.

5) Make them their cake.

I was definitely not awesome at this, but have become a little more able as the years have passed by. I have had LOTS of practice. Each year I make them a chosen cake, even if there is no party. It can be anything really. For the first few years I choose based on interests, then they delight in helping me, before finally showing me on Pinterest exactly what they want, with a couple of variances of course. Last year Isabel and I worked together which was lovely too.

It's annoying and time consuming, difficult, and definitely uses up a great deal of creative energy, BUT they love it. Jack still talks about regretting having a pre-made ice cream cake one year (which he demanded). They all love looking back on the photos. 

I think the reason they love it so much, even if the cake wasn't that great, is because it was made especially for them. I had to work hard and do something that was ONLY for them.

Bonus tip: only valid if the child has siblings

One of the most difficult things about birthdays when there are more than one child in the family is the attention seeking behaviour from the non-birthday children. I have an almost zero tolerance policy when it comes to this and the kids know it, and very much value it when it comes to their birthday. If I see one hint of negative oh-it's-not-about-me-!! behaviour from the other kids, they are sent instantly to their rooms (after a warning to make them aware they are doing it). Once the singing/unwrapping/cake cutting (what ever they interrupted) is over, I go and talk with the child waiting in their room. I completely understand that it is hard to learn that not everything can have them as a focus, and use it as a good teachable moment. We discuss how important it is to make the birthday child the focus on their special day, remembering how special they felt, and how it isn't all that long until it will be their turn again. I then help them brainstorm ways they can help make the birthday child feel special, rather than focusing on the fact that the moment is not about them. This seems to always help the child refocus and understand their part in celebrations for others, which is great practice for later life.

So this is how I make birthdays special in our family. How about you?

Jen.x